when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
