i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
