Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
