everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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