I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
