I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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