His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
