Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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