Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
