he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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