I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
