were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
