I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
