No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Someone signed my nipple.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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