You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
