Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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