Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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