I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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