her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
