"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
