WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
