trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
