I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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