At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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