I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
