it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
