The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
