Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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