oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
well you can't waste a boner
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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