Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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