i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
