Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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