Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
