he puts the penis in happiness.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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