I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
