Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
