what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
