similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
