She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
