Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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