Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
