My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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