i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
