i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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