Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
