Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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