Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
