I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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