I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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