riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
