Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
