Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I lost the right to judge tonight
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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