He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
