I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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