Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
