Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
