I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
