I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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