i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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