I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
