NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
