drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
