I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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