I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
