We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
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