you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Everything about him screamed your future.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
