i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
