There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
