Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
