I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
