I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
