Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
